its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
