Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
