he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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