I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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