Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
