Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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