i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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