Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
