Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
