I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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