Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i think my mom watched the whole time
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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