I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
