i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
