I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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