i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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