Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
