Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
and she was petting her beer can
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
