How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
