Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
