so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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