she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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