Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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