There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
