Me. At least after what I've been through.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
