why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
