you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
