yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
