while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
