Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
