I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
