It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
