At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
