It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
