You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
