I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
