i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
