currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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