Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
