tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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