I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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