FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
