Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Drunk is a universal language darling
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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