do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
