I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
