All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i am craving dick and cupcakes
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
