Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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