Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
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Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
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you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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