I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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