Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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