maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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