This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
