We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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