"it" just moved
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
