Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
