Bisexual people are plain selfish.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I touched a dick in church today
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
