Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
