Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
