I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
This toilet bowl is my home.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
