Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
